It Ain't Easy
by SilkeLovesSantana
Summary: Santana doesn't know what to do after her parents kicked her out and Mercedes offers to stay at her house. Neither one of them realize that it's the beginning of a great adventure that will lead to their true loves... each other. Santana/Mercedes pairing.
1. Stay With Me

**Santana Lopez's Point Of View**

Here I am, standing in the middle of the choir room, fidgeting with my hands. All their eyes are on me, filled with concern but also curiosity. My heart is beating fast. I've opened my mouth multiple times but nothing comes out. Frustrating. My hands are sweating to.

"Santana, you said you had something to tell us. Can you do that, please? We have to practice for sectionals." Mr. Shue said. Yes, he was concerned but they really needed their time.

I keep telling myself I can't chicken out now. I need their help. I take a deep breath and decide to go for it. They are my friends, they'll understand.

"Last night," I begin, "I told my parents that…" My voice seems to disappear and I can't find it. Now that I want to say it, I can't.

"Santana, are you okay?" Mr. Shue asked.

I clear my throat. "Yes, yes, I'm okay. I told them yesterday that…" I swallow, but there is nothing to swallow. My mouth is dry. "That I'm a lesbian." Finally I'm able to finish my sentence.

I look at the ground. It's silent and I know they are all watching me. I look up and I see shock, disbelieve and pride on their faces. When they see the tears that are threatening to spill from my eyes, it's all concern again. "They… uhm… they didn't react that well. They kicked me out." I manage to choke out. I hate myself when it's followed by tears and a pathetic sob. I try to control it but I can't. I feel so small and vulnerable. I feel two arms wrapping around me and a familiar vanilla scent reaching my nose thrills.

"It's okay, San. It's okay. It'll be fine." She whispers in my ear.

Really, she is one of my best friends even though we can be horrible to each other. I hold on tighter and then, before I know it, it's like I'm being squashed between bodies, drowning me in friendship, acceptance and love. Everyone is hugging me now. My tears subside and they slowly let go of me. They are still standing around me and it feels kind of weird.

"They just kicked you out? Because you are gay? That's the reason? Why would they do that?" Puck asks me.

"My parents are extremely Catholic. They believe being gay is a sin and a choice. They don't want me as their daughter anymore." Saying those words feels like someone is slowly cutting into my heart. "I don't have anywhere to go. The rest of my family lives in Puerto Rico and they aren't exactly the accepting type. The only things I have are some clothes in my trunk." I tell them.

"You can stay with me." Mercedes immediately reacts.

I smile at her. "Really?" I ask her.

"Yeah, girl, really. If my brother's friend can live with us, so can you." Mercedes tells me.

I can't help but grin. "Thank you, Mercedes."

"No problem." She says with a grin.

**That Evening…**

I arrive in front of an average looking house, it's nice. Mercedes pulls up in the driveway while I park at the side of the road. I kill the engine and step out of the car. Mercedes does the same and walks over to me.

"Nice house." I say. She smiles a sweet smile.

"Come on, let's go inside and meet my parents and siblings." She says. "We'll come back to get your stuff." She adds.

"Okay. So, how many siblings do you have?" I ask her.

"Well, 3 but my oldest brother, Bobbie already lives on his own so it's only my sister and brother. My sister is older than me, my brother is younger." Mercedes explained before we entered the house. She leads me to the kitchen where a curvaceous woman was making dinner.

"Hey, Mom, this is my friend Santana. Santana this is my mother, Mariah." Mercedes introduces us.

"Hello, Ms. Jones." I greet the woman politely. Mariah smiles.

"Oh, you can call me Mariah, dear." She says. I instantly like her.

"Mom, is it okay if Santana stays with us for a few weeks?" Mercedes asks her mother.

"Sure. No problem but Mercedes, you know that Jeremiah's friend has the guest room so Santana will have to sleep in your room. You'll have to set up the fold up bed in your room."

"Yeah, I know, Mom." Mercedes answers. "Come on; let's go get your stuff inside." She takes my hand and drags me back outside.

Her hands are soft, I like it. We arrive at my car and I open the trunk. I have one suitcase, a plastic bag and a beauty case. That's it. I take the suit case and Mercedes carries the plastic bag and the beauty case. We walk up the stairs and to the door where an Aretha Franklin poster is taped to. She opens the door and we walk inside. There is a bed, a desk and a closet inside the blue painted room. Posters of Whitney Houston, Tina Turner and Adele are on the walls. Yes, there is room for another bed but it'll be hard to move around in the room. She opens her closet and begins to move some clothes.

"What are you doing?" I ask her.

"I'm making some space so you can put your clothes in here." She tells me.

I smile. She is sweet. She manages to clear out two shelves and I can put most of my clothes on there. Only two pairs of jeans I can't fit in there. She squashes them between some of her clothes. She takes the empty suitcase and lays it on top of the closet.

"Maybe you can put your shoes downstairs and your make up and stuff in the bathroom. I'll go get your bed." She says and with that she walks out of the room.

**Two Hours Later…**

Mercedes and I walk down the stairs and I can hear people talking and I smell food. I'm pretty hungry. We walk into the dining room and I see Mariah, Mercedes' father, siblings and an Asian boy all sitting at the table.

"Oh, there you are." Mariah says with a smile. Mercedes sits down and I sit next to her.

"So, that's my father, Ray, my sister, Candace and my brother, Jeremiah. That's his friend, Roderick." Mercedes introduces everyone.

"What's your name?" Jeremiah asks me.

"Santana Lopez." I reply.

Mariah puts some food on my plate and it looks delicious. We pray before we eat and then, Ray begins to talk about his day. At home, no one was allowed to talk when we were eating. Here, everyone talks about what they did and it's pretty interesting.

"So, Santana, do you want to tell us why you are here?" Ray's voice sounds friendly.

"My parents kicked me out." I reply. That sounded bad, as if I was some bad kid which I'm not.

"Oh, why?" Mariah asked me, eying me suspiciously. Maybe she thought I was on drugs or something.

Mercedes smiles at me; as if to say that they won't throw me out when they find out I'm gay.

"I came out to them and well, they we're too thrilled so they threw me out." I explain.

Mariah sighs. "I'm so sorry to hear that, dear. I don't understand people who do that. I would never be able to do that. You are welcome to stay here as long as you need to."

I smile. "Thank you, Mariah."

Mercedes grins at me. I smile back at her.

**An Hour Later…**

I am sitting on the bed that Mercedes set up for me and I look at the clock that is hanging above the desk, against the wall. 7:30PM. Mercedes is reading a fashion magazine and I am just hugging my knees, staring at the wall.

"You okay?" She asks, casually.

I look at her. She has stopped reading and is looking at me.

"I don't know." I reply honestly.

"What's wrong? Besides, the obvious." She tells me.

"Neither Quinn nor Brittany has send me a text or called me to ask if I'm okay. I mean what the fuck? They are my best friends." I tell her.

"Maybe they are busy or something. I'm sure they are thinking about you." She tries to sooth me.

"Yeah, right." I roll my eyes. "Even my own brother ignores me."

"Hey, Santana, every one cares about you but they probably don't know what to say." Mercedes tells me.

I look at her and shrug my shoulders. "Maybe, whatever. I don't care."

"I know you do but you can pretend you don't." She gives me a smile. "Come on, you have to see this woman. Her clothes are just amazing." She waves with the magazine. I smile and walk over to her bed. I sit beside her and we begin to talk about fashion and when I let something slip like 'damn, she's hot.' She doesn't look at me weirdly or acts like it's totally inappropriate, she laughs or agrees that 'she's very beautiful'. It's great to hang out with Mercedes. I like her.

_**END OF CHAPTER ONE **_

**Author Notes:** Hey everyone, so I just had the idea to write Sancedes. I hope you like it. Do you want me to continue? Any suggestions? Let me know ;) Love, Silke


	2. She Touched My Hand

**It Ain't Easy**

**Chapter 2**

**Important Note:**** In this story, all the Glee kids are 16 and Sam, Sugar and Rory were already there from the beginning. They know each other since middle school but they only joined Glee Club in the beginning of this year.**

_Previously:_ Santana came out to her parents. They didn't react well and kicked her out. Now, she is staying at Mercedes'. When no one of her best friends asks her if she's alright, she is upset and disappointed.

**Santana Lopez's Point Of View**

It's Monday. I spent the weekend at Mercedes' house. I am standing next to my locker; I want to open it and take my books when someone stands next to me.

"Hi, Sanny!" Brittany says happily.

"Hi." I reply flatly.

She pouts. "What's wrong?" She asks.

I look at her and shrug my shoulders. "Nothing."

"Why are you lying to me?" She wants to know.

"I'm not lying." I answer.

"You are. I know you long enough to see that. Did I do something wrong?" She asks me and I clench my jaw.

"Did it ever occur to you that I might need my best friend to talk to after what happened? I lost my family, okay? I have no one other than Mercedes and her family right now. I really needed you."

"Then why didn't you call me? I would have answered my phone." She looks so confused and normally is cute but now, it really isn't.

"I didn't think I had to call you. I expected you to call me like I would have done if it were you that was kicked out of her house. Oh, and another thing. You didn't even ask me to stay with you, no; a girl who I've been calling names for the better part of the year was kind enough to offer. You are my best friend, it should have been you that asked me to stay."

She looks at the ground and I see that she is on the verge of crying. It hurts to see her hurt but… she let me down. She really did. "I'm so sorry, San. I didn't think it would hurt you so much."

I sigh. Why should I fight with her? I can't handle losing even more people so instead of doing what I want to do - walk away and be pissed - I give her a little smile and a hug. It feels good to have some physical contact. It's comforting and I really needed it, I realize. I stop hugging her and hold out my pinkie. She takes it and together we walk to our next class.

**A Few Hours Later…**

I walk over to the Glee Club table. Yeah, normally I would sit with the cheerleaders but since everyone knows I'm kind of homeless, and no one knows why, they all look at me strangely and I really can't handle their bitching today. I murmur a hello and sit next to Mercedes who grins at me.

"Hey, girl. My 'rents aren't home tonight; wanna watch some movies or something? The others are all staying over with friends. If you want to go out that's fine to." She asks me.

I shrug my shoulders. "I've got nothing to do. Seems chill." I answer.

"Great." Mercedes says.

"Heard anything of your parents?" Kurt asks me. I notice he is trying to ask it as gently as possible. The rest of the table is looking at me and it is kind of uncomfortable.

"No, I haven't." I tell them.

"Do you think they'll come around?" Kurt wants to know.

"I have no idea. Can we please stop talking about it? I'm losing my appetite." I say.

"Sure, no problem." Kurt reacts.

**That Evening…**

I am sitting next to Mercedes on the couch; we are watching some rom com about a teenage girl falling in love for the first time.

"I think I'm going to choke." I say after the nth sappy and cliché line.

Mercedes chuckled. "Come on, it's totally romantic."

"I think it's hideous." I tell her.

"So, you weren't like that with your first love?" She asks me.

I look at her and then at the hands in my lap, hoping that my long raven hair would hide the blush on my cheeks. She laughs and elbows me.

"Tell me!" She exclaims.

"No." I say. "I am not telling you anything." I tell her firmly.

"Who was it? Come on, I really wanna know and I won't tell."

I actually want to tell her because talking about this kind of stuff is fun but embarrassing at the same time. I've never talked about girls before, not in that way and not with anyone who isn't Brittany or my diary but then I look up into the sweet and curious eyes of Mercedes…

"Brittany." I reply.

"I always knew there was something between you two." Mercedes beamed like she just found the Holy Grail. Seriously, it was hilarious but I didn't laugh. I was too busy trying not to blush. "So, did you guys actually have something?" She wants to know.

"Uhm... Not really, I mean, it was more of a physical thing." I tell her. "Well, for her it was."

"So, you were in love with her but she didn't return it?"

I shrug. "Yeah, kinda. It..." I decide not to go further. I just told Mercedes something I've never told anyone and I have been living here for what? Three days? But I like her. I really like her. Even more than I like Brittany. I can have a real conversation with Mercedes without constantly having to explain things. I love Brittany, I really do but it can become tiresome after a while.

"What?" She urges.

"Nothing." I say. "Nothing." I repeat.

"It hurt you, didn't it?" She asks me and I look at her. I simply nod. "It's okay; I won't tell anyone that you actually have feelings... although everyone can see right through your act by now. We all know you are not the bitch that you pretend to be... but it's okay. I understand."

I look at her.

"Thanks, Mercedes." I say and she simply smiles at me. She has a beautiful smile.

**Two Weeks Later...**

I am still living at the Jones'. I love it here. They are all so excepting and totally cool. Mercedes' sister Candace is really the coolest person on earth and Jeremiah is like the little brother I never had. Jeremiah is 11 and so cute, really. He doesn't look 11, more like eight or nine so it's totally adorable when he tries to act like a 'real man' which he does often. Mercedes and I have grown closer and I can say that she is slowly becoming my best friend. After our film conversation a few weeks back, she hasn't asked anything else that has anything to do with my sexuality but she makes it clear that if I need to talk about anything I can always come to her.

I thought she was really not going to ask anything up until we were sitting on her bed, looking at yet another fashion magazine. She looks at me while I'm practically drooling over Beyoncé (don't judge, she is hot).

"Santana, stop drooling." She says with laughter in voice. I snap my mouth shut and blink my eyes. I look at her with a sheepish smile. She giggles. "So, is this how you knew you were gay? Because you drool over every pretty looking girl?"

I shake my head. "Nope, I drool over every confident girl. It's different than just pretty. I mean, look at Tina. She is pretty but she lacks confidence so I'm not attracted to her. I always knew I was different but when Britt accidentally missed my cheek and pecked my lips... Yeah, that's when I knew. I was only 12, but I knew." I tell her.

"Was Brittany your first kiss?" Mercedes asked.

I frown, thinking. "Yeah, she was. I didn't kiss her again until last year though. I went in a mayor gay panic because when we went to church a few weeks after the accidental peck, the pastor went on and on about those bad gay people who were ruining the world. I was really terrified but last year I just thought 'fuck it' and kissed Britt again. She was totally okay with it and stuff. Now, enough about me. Who was your first kiss?"

"Sam." Mercedes says a dreamy look on her face. Why does it make me feel so weird? Like someone just kicked me in my stomach. I shrug it off. It's probably nothing.

"Fish Lips? Really?" I ask her.

"Stop calling him that! He is a sweetheart."

"Yeah, but he still has gigantic lips." I let her know.

She snorts. "You dated him." She tells me.

"What? I like being the top bitch and to be that; I needs man candy." I explain.

"It's sad." She tells me.

I frown. "What is sad?"

"That you have to pretend to be someone you are not just to be at the top. I think it's sad." She lets me know.

I sigh. "It's not ideal, that's true but it's not that bad. I don't have to look out for slushies and no one messes with me."

"Why can't you just come out at school? You are a Cheerio and people are terrified of you. Like they are going to treat you badly." She says.

"It's not about what they say to my face, it's about what they say behind my back and besides, it's no one's business what my sexual orientation is. All they have to know is that I'm better than them. That's all." I say and she shrugs.

"Fine but if it's no one's business then why do you keep dating guys?" She asks me.

"There are already rumors going around that I'm 'at least bisexual' so when I date dudes, no one believes that."

"I wouldn't be able to date someone I don't like... Sounds awful." She says.

"It's not that hard. I just ignore them most of the time. It's cruel, I know." I react.

She doesn't comment on it.

**Mercedes Jones' Point Of View**

Santana continues to read the magazine but I just look at her.

She is a nice girl. She really is. She is sweet to my little brother and actually more polite than I thought she would be. I mean, she is a totally different girl outside of school. She smiles all the time, she jokes in a friendly manner and doesn't use as much nicknames as she usually does. She has become my best friend and I love every second of our friendship. Even at school, she sticks up for me. I am 'off limits' she told Karofsky and Azimio who wanted to slushy me. We always sit together during Glee and I just feel really comfortable around her. There are things that are the same outside of school. It's still hard for her to show her feelings and she still loves to hate a lot of stuff but not everything, like I thought she would.

There is one thing I am confused about though...

She touched my hand when we were making dinner, just because she wanted to get my attention, to ask me where the pepper was but it just made me feel so... funny inside. Like someone was tickling me, but not quite. My stomach flipped and it was a great feeling but it scares me to. It was like I felt with Sam. That same feeling of... of what exactly? I mean, what is it that I'm feeling? Is it just because I know that she likes girls that I feel like this? Because it's **her **that's touching me? I don't know, I really need to talk to someone. I can't talk to my best friend about this because she is who it's about but I could talk to Kurt about it. He'll be able to help me, right?

"'Cedes?" Santana's voice snaps me out of my dream and I look at her questioningly. "You were just staring at the wall. Come on, you have to see this dress. It's totally awesome." She tells me and I smile.

I begin to read with her. Soon, we are laughing and giggling again. Her giggle is pretty cute.

**Author Notes:** I got more comments then I thought I would get. I mean, this is really not a popular pairing but I'm glad that there are people interested. Please, keep reviewing because the Rachel Berry in me needs applause to live. ;). If you have any ideas, let me know.

_Feel free to check out my other stuff to_


	3. Crush

_**It Ain't Easy**_

_Song I used: Easy Lover - Phill Collins_

**Mercedes Jones' Point Of View**

**Thursday evening...**

"Come in, Mercedes." Kurt says with a smile. I give him a grin and walk inside. "Let's go up to my room." He says and I follow him down the stairs. We sit down on his bed and he looks at me.

"How are you? Is living with Santana not hell on earth?" He asks me.

I shake my head and smile. "No, it's totally awesome. She is so different than she is in school. She is totally adorable with Jeremiah and Candace totally loves her."

Kurt lifted one eyebrow. "Santana Lopez? Satan?" He asks.

"Yeah, she is not as bad as everyone thinks she is... She is pretty amazing." I let him know.

Kurt shrugged. "Okay, fine, if you say so. You said you had something to talk to me about." He reminds me.

"Yeah, well, it has something to do with Santana..." I tell him. Even saying her name makes me shudder slightly.

"What? Did you catch her getting her 'mack on' with some chick in your room?" He asks me while he chuckles.

I giggle. "No, that would be horrible." 'For more than one reason...' I add in my head. "It's not that... I just... I'm a bit... confused." I say.

Kurt turned serious. "Okay, what's it about?" He asks.

"Well, I've just noticed that whenever Santana and I touch..." I say but I can't finish my sentence.

"She has a crush on you? This is golden!" He exclaims, happily.

"Kurt! Let me finish." I say and he looks at me with curiosity.

"I've noticed that... I just... I feel things I've only ever felt with Sam." I say and he gasps.

"What? You like 'like' Santana?" He asks me.

"I don't know, do I? I mean, she touched my hand and it felt so... good and weird at the same time. It was awesome but it scared me." I tell him. He sighs.

"You are not gay, Mercedes. You've never been. You are probably just reacting like this because you are curious and she is a lesbian."

"Are you sure?" I ask him.

"Yeah, totally." He tells me and I nod. Okay then. If he says so...

**Monday Afternoon, Glee...**

I'm sitting next to Santana and I can't help but glace at her every few seconds. She is really breathtakingly beautiful, even though I like her hair better when it's down. She catches me staring at her and smiles at me. She winks and then turns her attention back to what's going on in the front of the classroom. She just winked... At me! Oh my God, my heart is beating too fast. I might actually die. In the corner of my eye, I see Kurt looking at us strangely. I am beginning to doubt that what he said was true. I mean, this can't just be friendship, right? It can't be... or can it? Oh, this is just too confusing. This weekend, Santana and I were constantly together and I never felt better... it was totally awesome.

"Mr. Shue, if I may." Kurt speaks up. He stands and turns to us. "I have prepared a song."

"Great. Go ahead, Kurt." Mr. Shuester says. Kurt looks at me, as if to say that this song is meant for me. I swallow. I actually can't believe he is singing a pop/rock song.

_Easy lover_

_She'll get a hold on you believe it_

_Like no other_

_Before you know it you'll be on your knees_

_She's an easy lover_

_She'll take your heart but you won't feel it_

_She's like no other_

_And I'm just trying to make you see_

Is he right? I mean, I don't even know how she feels about this and I'm sure as hell not going to ask her but what if she does feel something for me...

_She's the kind of girl you dream of_

_Dream of keeping hold of_

_You'd better forget it_

_You'll never get it_

_She will play around and leave you_

_Leave you and deceive you_

_Better forget it_

_Oh you'll regret it_

Would she actually play around? The chance is big, right? I mean, I'm not a pretty, skinny blonde like Brittany. I'm not cute and adorable like her. I'm just Mercedes, the black, slightly heavy girl with the booming voice and a love for tots. She would never fall for me... I'm not like Brittany.

_No you'll never change her, so leave it, leave it_

_Get out quick 'cause seeing is believing_

_It's the only way_

_You'll ever know_

_Easy lover_

_She'll get a hold on you believe it_

_Like no other_

_Before you know it you'll be on your knees_

_She's an easy lover_

_She'll take your heart but you won't feel it_

_She's like no other_

_And I'm just trying to make you see_

_You're the one that wants to hold her_

_Hold her and control her_

_You'd better forget it_

_You'll never get it_

_For she'll say there's no other_

_Till she finds another_

_Better forget it_

_Oh you'll regret it_

And if she would be with me, it would be until Brittany or even Quinn is interested in her. I would just be something on the side. I would only get hurt...

_And don't try to change her, just leave it, leave it_

_You're not the only one, ooh seeing is believing_

_It's the only way_

_You'll ever know, oh_

_No don't try to change her, just leave it, leave it_

_You're not the only one, ooh seeing is believing_

_It's the only way_

_You'll ever know, oh_

_She's an easy lover (she's an easy lover)_

_She'll get a hold on you believe it (get a hold on you)_

_(She's) like no other_

_Before you know it you'll be on your knees (you'll be down on your knees)_

_She's an easy lover_

_She'll take your heart but you won't feel it (you won't feel it)_

_She's like no other_

_And I'm just trying to make you see (trying to make you see)_

I sigh and nod. He is right. I better forget about Santana... I wish it was that simple.

**Santana Lopez's Point Of View**

I see Kurt looking at Mercedes a lot during his performance and I wonder what that's all about. I look at Mercedes who is looking at her hands in her lap. Yep, there is something going on and I'm going to find out.

I wait until Glee is over and I tell Mercedes I'll go home on my own. I see Kurt getting in his car and I run over.

"Kurt! Wait for a sec!" I call out and run over to him. He just looks at me with an unreadable expression. What's his problem?

"Hey, Kurt, what was that song all about? I mean, you kept looking at Mercedes. Is she like, cheating on someone? Were you singing it to someone who she is dating because I didn't know she was seeing someone?"

Kurt sighs. "She isn't."

"Then why did you keep looking at her?" I ask.

"I wasn't looking at her. I just look at everyone in the audience when I sing; maybe I just ended up looking at her a bit more." He says. His voice is colder than normal and I wonder what I did wrong. I decide not to ask. He doesn't seem to want to talk to me.

"Okay then..." I say. "Bye."

I go over to my car. I'm glad I bought it myself; maybe my parents would have told me to leave it at home when I went away. I begin to drive to Mercedes' house...

**Mercedes Jones' Point Of View**

I am laying on my bed, looking at the ceiling. I need to process whatever it is that I'm feeling and I am just going to use a Rachel Berry method. Making lists. So, why I think I have a crush on Santana:

When she touches me, my stomach flips

When I look at her, my heart begins to beat faster.

Her smile is the most beautiful thing that I've ever seen.

I adore the sound of her voice.

I trust her.

I've never felt like this, except for when I was with Sam.

I could spend a week with her, and still not be bored.

I want to see her happy all the time because a happy Santana, is a beautiful Santana.

Eight reasons... Not bad. That's quite a lot, no? How long has Santana been living here... A little over two weeks. But I've noticed her before. In the beginning of the year, when we worked together for River Deep, Mountain High, I've noticed she is sweeter and more amazing then I thought she was. I thought about her the weeks after that, I couldn't stop looking at her but then I got to know Sam better and we got together, so Santana drifted to the back of my mind a little but... but now she is back full force. I mean, look at me. I can't think about anyone or anything else. What is going on here?

There is a soft knock on my door and it's my big sister.

"Hey, Lilly." She greets me. She insists on calling me Lilly. It's actually a reference to me being small so 'lil' and then she just pasted 'ly' after it... Lilly. Yeah, it sounds stupid but I think it is sweet. She is a great big sister.

"Hey, Candy." I say. She frowns.

"What's wrong?" She asks me.

"Nothing. Just a lot on my mind." I tell her.

"Oh, yeah, I get it. Well, Mom wanted me to tell you that Bobbie is coming to dinner tonight." She says.

"Great!" I say. My big brother has always been one of my favorite people in the whole world.

**That Evening...**

We are sitting at the table. Bobbie is the oldest of my parents' children with his 23 years of age. He is a mechanic and works in Burt's shop. He got married two years ago to Emma and a few months ago, she gave birth to a son; Martin Ray Jones. He is really the cutest little boy. Santana is happily chatting with my brother and his wife, like she knows them for ages and it makes me happy that she is so comfortable around my family. She is smiling and happy and I am staring at her, even though, I don't realize it.

"Lilly, are you okay?" She asks me. I snap out of my stare and give my sister a smile.

"Yes, I'm fine." I say.

**Author Notes: **Hey everyone, so great to see people are reading and reviewing this story. I'm very happy that people are enjoying my work. So, it's pretty clear that Mercedes likes Santana, no? Now, let's find out what Santana is feeling... You'll see in the next chapter of It Ain't Easy. ;). Also, don't hesitate to tell people about this story ;). Please, review :) Love, Silke.


	4. Do You Like Me?

_**It Ain't Easy**_

**Mercedes Jones' Point Of View**

I am walking down the hallway and catch up with Kurt.

"Hey, Kurt." I greet him.

"Hey." He says back with a smile. I don't smile back.

I take a deep breath. "Why did you sing that song?" I ask him.

He stops walking and I do the same. "Look, Santana plays around. She had boyfriend after boyfriend and she doesn't care about anyone's feelings. I don't want you to get hurt, Mercedes." He tells me.

"You know, I really needed someone to talk to, to understand what I'm going through and you of all people refused to help me. You just brushed my feelings off as a silly girl crush. Kurt, I know her better than you do, she lives with me for God's sake. Have you noticed that since she has come out, she is nicer and doesn't play with people's feelings? She doesn't have girlfriend after girlfriend, does she? Have you actually taken the time to notice that?" I ask him and he just looks at me.

"So, what? Now you are gay all of a sudden?" His voice has turned bitchy.

"You know what? Just forget about it. I'll find someone else to talk to. Whatever." I say and begin to walk away. I hear him sigh and then he grabs my wrist.

"Mercedes, I'm sorry. I crossed the line." He tells me. I turn around as he let's go of my wrist.

"You are always talking about people who judge others but you do exactly the same." I let him know.

"You are right. I was a hypocrite. I'm sorry." Kurt says. I shrug my shoulders and walk away.

**Santana Lopez's Point Of View **

**The Next Day, morning...**

I wake up and blink a few times. I roll onto my side and look at Mercedes. Her arm is under her pillow and she is facing me. She is still sleeping and her hair is spread all over the pillow. She is beautiful. You just have to look closely to see how breathtaking she actually is.

I never looked at her and thought she was beautiful. I was never attracted to her. Was. Now, I'm not so sure anymore. Yesterday, Mercedes kissed my cheek. But like not just a peck. She actually pressed her lips against my cheek for longer than a few seconds. Then, off course, there was that awkward moment of shy byes and stuff but what I felt when she kissed me... It was like with Brittany but then more intense. More real. It was like I wasn't even touching the ground, I was just... somewhere between heaven and earth. It was totally awesome and scary at the same time. I mean, I can't fall for yet another person who can't love me. Brittany never loved me. Yes, she was attracted to me but it was only sexually. She wasn't interested in a real relationship with me... and neither will Mercedes be.

I mean, I've always treated her like I treated everyone else. You know that isn't the nicest way. She is straight to. Like, super straight.

I look around the room... then why aren't here any posters of guys hanging around? That's pretty weird for a straight chick, no? I mean, my room was full of posters of perfumes... and not because I liked how they smelled. No, the women were damn hot.

Mercedes' mouth curls into a soft smile and then relaxes again. A soft smile graces my face. I want to go over there and brush that strand of hair behind her ear but that would be creepy, right? Damn, I'm completely staring at someone who is sleeping. I'm such a creep.

I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling. This is getting too crazy... I need someone to ventilate to. Lately, I've noticed that if you talk about stuff, it seems less confusing and big.

The alarm goes off, signing it's time to get up. I sit up while Mercedes moans, tiredly. So cute I think with a smile before I realize what I just thought. This is getting bad.

**Lunchtime...**

I see Quinn sit alone at a table, and I walk over.

"Mind if I join you?" I ask her with a smile.

She seems surprised that I'm friendly but she nods and I sit down.

"How are you?" She asks me.

"Very good. It's nice, living with Mercedes." I say.

"Yeah, I know." Quinn tells me and we smile at each other.

I see Mercedes walk over to the Glee table and I can't help but stare at her. She is smiling widely, and greeting all her friends as she sits down, talking happily. Then, she glances at me and catches me staring at her. She gives me one of those shy smiles before she turns back to Rachel, talking to her, leaving me blushing and totally forgetting about Quinn.

"What was that all about?" She asks me. She has this half smile and one eyebrow lifted like she knows everything.

"What are you talking about?" I want to know, but I already do.

"Santana, you were totally checking her out, she smiled at you and then you blushed. That's what I'm talking about. What have you two been up to in her room?" She asks me, teasingly.

"Nothing!" I exclaim. "We are just friends." I tell her. "Well, I mean, we are but I..." I get shy and I could totally hit myself 'Get a grip, Lopez' I scold myself.

"Oh my God." She softly says and then whispers: "You like her?"

Slowly, I nod. "I think I do... but _don't _tell anyone." I warn her.

She grins and shakes her head. "I won't... but really? You like Mercedes?"

"I think so... I don't know... I guess. I just... Ugh. It's complicated." I tell her.

"You are so into her. I mean, look at you." She says and smiles at me.

"She will never feel the same for me. She is as straight as an arrow." I tell her but she just tilts her head a little and smiles.

"That shy smile she gave you, and the way she keeps glancing at you... That says she feels a bit more than friendship." She lets me know and I look at Mercedes who is sitting across the room. She looks up and into my eyes. I wink and she looks down again, a big smile on her face. A big, triumphant smile appears on my face.

"Yeah, maybe." I tell Quinn who just shakes her head.

"You'll never change, huh?" She asks me.

"Nope... but, like, what if I tell her and she gets mayor Christian gay panic or something. Then, I'm screwed. She might throw me out." I tell Quinn.

"Look, Mercedes is one of the nicest girls I know. Yes, she likes to act a bit though but really, she is a sweetheart. She won't just throw you out. Also, have you seen how shy and flustered she got when just looked at her? She likes you." She tells me.

"You think so?" I want to know.

"I know so." Quinn says. I beam like a kid that just got candy.

**That Evening...**

Mercedes is sitting on the edge of her bed, reading some gossip magazine and I just stand in the door opening, watching her. After a few minutes, she looks up and gives me a familiar shy smile.

"How long have you been standing there?" She asks me.

"Long enough to see you look beautiful." I answer and walk over to her bed while she busy trying to hide her smile. I know that she is blushing even though I can't see it because of her dark skin. I sit down next to her and she looks up at me.

"What are you doing?" She asks with a smile as I brush a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I want to ask you something." I say.

She looks at me, silently telling me to go on. "I was just wondering if... you like me." I tell her, now I am blushing. I wish my skin was darker so she didn't see my red cheeks.

"Off course I do. You are one of my best friends." She says, slightly stuttering.

I shake my head. "I don't mean it like that. I want to know if you _like_ me."

I hold my breath.

To be continued... ;)

**Author Notes:** You mad? LOL. If you are lucky, it will be updated within the next 24 hours. If you are lucky. Now, I know Kurt's reaction confused a few people but I hope I explained it well enough in this chapter. Please, _review _because I'm really just waiting to see an e-mail pop up, saying I've got a new review. It's awesome. Okay, so, tell me what you think and maybe what you like to see happening and I'll consider it. Love, Silke.


	5. Questions And Answers

It Ain't Easy

_**ATTENTION: The song I used is 'Say You'll Stay" by Melissa Polinar and Kim Walling but I am going to act as if Santana writes this for Mercedes.**_

_Previously..._

**Santana Lopez's Point Of View**

"I want to ask you something." I say.

She looks at me, silently telling me to go on. "I was just wondering if... you like me." I tell her, now I am blushing. I wish my skin was darker so she didn't see my red cheeks.

"Off course I do. You are one of my best friends." She says, slightly stuttering.

I shake my head. "I don't mean it like that. I want to know if you _like_ me."

I hold my breath.

_Chapter 5..._

**Mercedes Jones' Point Of View**

I look at her, shock written all over my face. She figured it out?

"Uhm, I... I just... Uh." Is everything I can get out. She lets out a tiny chuckle but I can see she is nervous.

"Did you hear me, 'Cedes?" She asks me and I nod. I take a deep breath.

"I don't know." I reply honestly. I don't, really. I mean, yes, I like her a lot but do I like, like her? "Do you like me?" I want to know. Slowly, she nods.

"Yes, I think I do." She tells me.

She is sitting next to me and I feel like she is too close, I'm a bit scared she'll just kiss me or something. Not that I wouldn't want that but I'm just not sure I'm ready to do that and oh, this is getting too much. I stand up and walk to the door.

"Mercedes don't go. I didn't mean to scare you." Santana says and I hear that she stands up. I turn around and see how afraid she is. It's etched on her face.

"I just need some time to process this. I just... just give me some space? Please?" I ask.

She nods. "Okay." is all she says before I walk out of my room.

I decide to go for a walk. While I'm walking past the houses of my neighbors, I take a deep breath and begin to think. Why didn't I just tell her I like her, back there? Why did I react like that? It's not as if she was going to jump me any minute. She was just telling me that she likes me. And I like her to so why did I freak out?

**Santana Lopez's Point Of View**

As she walks out of the room, I feel tears escape my eyes. I totally screwed up. She just freaked out. I lost her, I lost her... but she likes me, no? I mean, how she acts around me... there are clear signs she likes me. That shy smiles, unnecessary touching, stuttering, looking at me when she thinks I can't see... Maybe she is just scared? She probably never felt like this. Like, having a crush on a girl, I mean. She has probably crushed on someone before. Or maybe she is just scared because she likes _me_, the big, bad bitch of McKinley High. She might think that I only want her, to hurt and use her but she couldn't be further from the truth. I want to be there for her. I want to protect her from all the hurt and pain in the world, just to see that beautiful, bright smile constantly. I take a pen and paper and begin to write, maybe if I write in a letter what I feel, she'll understand...

**Mercedes Jones' Point Of View **

I think I figured out why I'm so scared. I mean, look at her, and how can she ever like a girl like me? She is so beautiful and I'm... not. I mean, yes, I am pretty but beautiful like she is? No. I know that she didn't say that to use me or anything. I know she is a real friend and that she really means it when she says something like that even though not everyone believes that she can be nice. But this is all so... out of my hands. I can't decide what I feel or not feel, I can't decide how people will react when they find out I can also like girls. I don't even know _how_ to like a girl. I mean, are the rules different?

What am I thinking? I know the 'rules' aren't different. Hanging around with Kurt should have thaught me that. You just go with the flow, right? I sigh. I probably hurt her. She is probably feeling so bad right now. Dammit, Jones. You just hurt a person you care about without any real reason.

I have to get back home and tell Santana that I didn't mean to hurt her. I look around and finally see where I am. Darn, it will take more than an hour to get back home. I kick a little stone that is laying in front of me and begin to walk back home.

**Santana Lopez's Point Of View**

The letter I intended to write ends up in a song and it's pretty good. And I already have the music in my head. I'm glad Miguel taught me to play guitar. My big brother... I miss him. I sigh. I should stop thinking about him. He ignores me and acts like I don't exist. I shake my head and concentrate on the task at hand. I need to finish this song. I am so performing this tomorrow in Glee club.

**Mercedes Jones' Point Of View**

**The Next Day, Afternoon, The Choir Room,**

I am thinking about last night. It was so awkward. Santana and I barely talked and we both faced the opposite walls, trying not to look at each other but I didn't sleep a single second so I'm feeling like a wreck. I'm tired and I don't even have my best friend to nag to about it. This sucks. I am so wrapped up in myself pity that I don't notice that Santana is sitting in front of the class with a guitar in her hands. I didn't know she could play. She glances at me before she begins to play. I don't recognize the song.

**There's something in the air**

**A whisper in my ear**

**And I can't get it out of my mind**

**Maybe these butterflies are trying to tell us**

**There's something here that we need to find**

Oh my god, did she write this for me? She can't be serious? Really? She's awesome. That's so sweet…

**And I don't know what love is up to these days**

**But it sure seems like it's hanging around**

She keeps looking at me and I see some people sharing confused looks. Only Quinn and Kurt seem to know what this is about. Quinn seems a bit worried but also pleased while Kurt just seems impressed with the effort Santana is putting into this.

**So, won't you say you'll stay?**

**Even though we don't know what this is all about**

**Guess we'll just have to wait**

'**Cause what we are we will eventually figure out**

**And all I know is that I want to be next to you**

**And right now there's room for the world**

**So won't you stay?**

**Please say you'll stay**

**Don't you run away just because you're afraid.**

**Of something that feels out of control**

She is right about that, that's exactly what I feel. Like this is out of my control. I am afraid of this... whatever 'it' is.

**We can take our time, just give it a try**

'**Cause there's no harm in taking it slow**

**Oh, we don't know what love is up to these days**

**But it sure seems like it's hanging around**

**So, won't you say you'll stay?**

**Even though we don't know what this is all about**

**Guess we'll just have to wait**

'**Cause what we are we will eventually figure out**

**And all I know is that I want to be next to you**

**And right now there's room for the world**

**So won't you stay?**

**Please say...**

**Live each moment**

**Love every minute**

**Take every second by the hand**

**We don't have to worry**

**There isn't any hurry**

**It's all going to work out in the end**

I smile at her.

**So, won't you say you'll stay?**

**Even though we don't know what this is all about**

**Guess we'll just have to wait**

'**Cause what we are we will eventually figure out**

**And all I know is that I want to be next to you**

**And right now there's room for the world**

**So won't you stay?**

**Please say**

**Won't you stay?**

**Please say **

**You'll stay**

**Please stay**

**Oh oh**

She ends the song and everyone claps.

"That was very beautiful. Did you write that yourself?" Mr. Shue asks.

"Yes, I did." She answers, and glances at me. I give her a small smile.

"Very impressive, Santana." Mr. Shue tells her.

"Who was it for?" Puck asks. She looks at him; I can see she is debating whether or not to tell them.

"None of your business." She says before she sits down next to me, not on her original chair. She doesn't say anything but she doesn't have to. We'll talk about it later.

**A Few Minutes Later, After Glee Club...**

I am walking towards my car when someone gently grips my wrist. By the familiar tingle it makes me feel, I know it's Santana. I turn around and face her.

"Did you like the song?" She asks me. I smile a soft smile and nod.

"Yes, I did." I answer.

"I wrote it for you, you know?" She looks like a small child and it's so cute.

"It was beautiful..." I say. "Look, Santana, I haven't figured this out yet and I just need some time. I really, really like you but I'm not sure if this is something I can do. I don't even know who I am anymore. This has changed everything I think about myself. I thought I knew what I wanted and believe me, that didn't include another girl but... maybe it does now. I'm not sure. Just give me some more time, okay?" I ask her and she nods.

"I get it. I already asked Quinn if I can stay with her for a few days, just to give you some time to think about everything." She tells me.

"You don't have to..." I begin.

"Yeah, I do. I understand that you need to be on your own so you can think about everything." She tells me.

"Okay then..." I say.

"I already have everything in my car to stay with Quinn, so I guess I'll see you around." She says. "Bye." But before she can leave, I take her hand.

"Can I at least have a hug before you go?" I want to know. She grins.

"Sure." She answers and pulls me close. It fills me with a warm, fuzzy feeling. Her breath hits my hair and it feels amazing. When she pulls back, the side of her lips brush against my cheek and it makes me shudder. "I'm gonna go now." She says. I watch as she walks away and I sigh. The warm, fuzzy feeling is gone.

**Santana Lopez's Point Of View**

**45 Minutes Later, Quinn Fabray's Room...**

"Okay, you have to tell me what happened." Quinn says. Both girls are laying on the blonde's bed, looking at the ceiling.

"Nothing, really. I asked her if she liked me, she stuttered a bit before she said she didn't know. She asked me how I felt, I said that I think I like her and then she just walked out of the room. That's it."

"So, I was wrong and she is not into you?" Quinn wants to know.

"Oh, no, she is into me... I think I just have to give her some time. Soon, she'll realize it." I tell her smugly.

"Your song was very beautiful." Quinn compliments.

"I'm pretty good, right? At least better than Berry." I roll my eyes but Quinn doesn't.

"Come on, San. We've gotta stop picking on her. She is pretty nice." Quinn says. I raise my eyebrows.

"What? You are friends with Yentl?" I ask, almost laughing.

"." She quickly says.

"What did you say?" I ask her again.

"She kissed me yesterday." She whispers and I gasp.

"No way! She didn't! Yentl is a dyke? This is awesome!" I exclaim and sit up excitedly.

"Oh, I hate that word." She says.

"What? Dyke? I think it sounds cool. Cooler than lesbian if you ask me. But anyways, did you like it?" I ask. I am sure my eyes are sparkling. This is so cool!

"Maybe, I don't know. It's different from kissing a boy but it's not better."

"Why did she kiss you anyway?" I question.

"I don't know. She was just practicing some song in the choir room. I said that it was beautiful and then, out of the blue, she said that I was more beautiful and then she just... kissed me."

"That girl's got some balls."

I am truly impressed.

"I just left her there and went home." She tells me.

"So, do you wanna get together with her?" I ask.

"Santana, I'm not gay." Quinn says.

"Maybe you are bi like Mercedes." Santana told Quinn.

"How do you even know for sure Mercedes is gay? And no, I'm not gonna get together with Berry." Quinn protested.

"She is not that ugly if you think about it. I think that underneath those clothes, she is pretty nice." I say and lick my lips, just to tease her. I can see a flash of jealousy in her eyes.

"Back off, you have Mercedes." She snaps.

"Oooh, I was so right! You like Berry's berries." I laugh so hard when she pushes me, I start a tickle fight and soon, we are a giggling mess on the floor. She surrenders and I do my happy dance before we collapse on the bed.

"So, you are on my team, huh?" I want to know.

"Look, I don't know. I enjoyed kissing her but I'm not sure if I really want to _be_ with a girl, I don't know."

"If you need some sex advice, I'm totally here for you." I say and enjoy her grossed out and slightly turned on face. Yep, so gay...

"Ieuw, Santana!" She said as she pushes me. "I don't want to have sex again until I'm married, you know that..."

"Yeah, well, then you'll have to wait a long time because gay marriage will take a long, long time." I say.

"I'm not gay, Lopez." Quinn snapped.

"Sure..." I say laughing out loud.

"Besides, I don't even know what girls do together." Quinn said.

My mouth falls open. "You don't?" I ask, shocked.

"Uhm, no." She says, now becoming a bit embrassed.

"Okay, that is just sad... I mean, I feel like a bad friend. You are friends with a lesbian, you should totally know and now that you have a thing for Rachel's berries, you should certainly know."

"Stop saying that." She said and pushed me.

"Please, I've seen you staring at her twins, Blondie. I just thought you liked her shirt now you are also dressing like a nun but actually you just liked what is underneath it." I am so enjoying this. "But I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to, Quinnocence."

"Nice nickname." She replies dryly.

"I know, right?" I ask.

She rolls her eyes.

**Mercedes Jones' Point Of View**

**The Next Morning, In Front Of the Fabray House,**

I have thought about everything last night and I've come to my conclusion. I ring the bell and Quinn opens the door.

"Hey, Mercedes." She greets me.

"Hi, girl. Is Santana here?" I ask, talk about asking a stupid question. She just smiles.

"Yeah, she is in the shower. She'll be down in a second. Come in." She says and I walk past her. Nice house, I think. I've never been here before. I look at Quinn who seems to want to ask me something and I smile.

"What?" I ask her.

She bites her lip. "So, what are you gonna tell her?" She asks.

I chuckle. "That's none of your business." I tell her.

"Just tell me if you guys are gonna get together or not." She smiles that sweet smile and I roll my eyes.

"You'll find out soon enough." I say. She gives up with a sigh and walks to the living room.

"Quinn? Who's there? Quinn? Hey, Tubbers, can't you answer me?" I hear Santana yell. I hear a loud sigh and she walks down the stairs in black shorts and a pink tank top. Her hair is still wet and it is making the fabric of her top a bit damp. She looks absolutely gorgeous. When she sees me, her frown disappears and is replaced by a smile.

"Mercedes, hi." She says and I give her a little grin.

"Hey, Santana. Can we talk?" I ask her.

"Yes, sure." She replies as she takes the last steps of the stairs. She stands in front of me and I take her hand.

"I've been thinking..." I begin. "And I really, really like you..." I say. She is panicking; she thinks I'm going to say that we can't be together. "And I would like to see where this can go." I finish and she beams. It's really one of the most beautiful views.

"Really?" She wants to know.

"Really." I say. Before I know it, her arms are wrapped around me and she is hugging me close. I return the hug and sigh. This feels so good, so right. She pulls back a little and I notice the tears pooling in her eyes. "Are you crying?" I ask. She nods.

"It's just that I'm really happy." She says and I smile.

"Me to." I tell her and bring my hand up to her cheek. Her face relaxes and mine does to. I lean a bit closer and she does the same. Softly, our lips connect and an amazing feeling invades my body. It's a simple kiss but it's perfect. We part and smile at each other.

**Lucy Q. Fabray's Point Of View**

When I don't hear any voices come from the hall, I begin to worry. Maybe Mercedes said no, and Santana is crying or something. The door is still ajar and I decide to just sneak a peek. I mean, I'm just worried, right? Okay, no, I'm just really, really curious. I walk closer and when I look though the crack of the door, I immediately regret it. Santana's arms are round Mercedes' waist, Mercedes' hand is on her upper arm and the other one is on the Latina's cheek. Their lips are pressed together and I can see the happiness radiating off of them. I feel bad for seeing this private moment and turn around. I walk back to the kitchen where I lean against the counter. I am happy that Santana is happy. She deserves it, after what she went through with Brittany and Mercedes does to, after Sam broke it off, she was just too damn sad. I close my eyes. I deserve that happiness to and I know that what I felt when Rachel kissed me, is exactly what they are feeling right now. Should I go for her or not? Do I dare to do something that seems so not like me?

**Author Notes: **Okay, so, I guess you guys weren't lucky. It took me longer than 24 hours to write this but this chapter good, right? LOL. And it's one of the longest chapters. Now, I want to ask you guys something and please answer with A or B in a review or a PM. (You can also e-mail me ... silverlovefanfic at yahoo . com)

_Question:_ Do you want me to make this into a Sancedes/Faberry story and also read Quinn's and Rachel's point of view and see their journey to each other or do you want this to stay only Sancedes and see the development of Faberry from a distance?

_Answers:_

**A)** I want this to become a Sancedes/Faberry story.

**B)** I don't want this to become a Sancedes/Faberry story; I want to see the Faberry relationship develop from a distance.

You choose. You have about 18 hours to vote. Choose wisely. ;).


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